Wait Loss

No that is no misspelling in the title. I have been doing some deep thinking lately. For a long time now I have said I was the Happy Fat Housewife. I say this with a smile on my face, mostly because I have avoided looking at myself as much as possible. There is not a single full length mirror in my apartment. Honestly I am just a fat housewife who has avoided seeing what she really looked like and in her head is skinnier than she really is.

I need to do something. Winter is coming (quicker than I would like since it is supposed to snow 3-5 inches overnight tomorrow night) and with winter usually comes the winter blues. I get sad in the winter because I feel so stuck. I have done so many diets and simply not been able to follow through. That is my real problem, following through. I start out great and then have a day of binge eating and simply give up instead of working through my step back and taking the next day for what it is, a new day.

So starting next week Wednesday will be "Weight Loss Wednesday." A place where I hold myself accountable for the times I slip, and the place where I give myself credit for what I did. No matter how small. It isn't going to be an easy journey, and there will be times I slip up (date night and my trip to NYC for one) but I will not let a few slip ups cause me to spend the whole winter avoiding the mirrors and hiding in sweatpants.

Spring is a time for new beginnings, I hope that I can reveal a smaller me as well.

Ear Infection Nightmare

Peyton has an ear infection. The third she has suffered in her short life. It explains her lack of sleep though. Nothing makes me sadder than when my kids are sick and there has been a crazy amount of sickness in our home lately. First Krystal is diagnosed October 17th with an ear infection, then Sunday Joey was brought to the emergency room with swollen lips and hives and now Peyton has an ear infection. I am pretty sure we have met our sickness quota for the year and I think we should be spared for the rest of the winter, although I know that won't happen!

Toddler Sleep- A Big step Back

Peyton has never been one who has excelled in the toddler sleep department. There have been many tear filled nights from the both of us and coffee filled mornings for me. Days I wish I could take a nap and some where I simply drift off on the couch every few seconds and have to smack myself awake. These are moments that I am simply not prepared for. I expect that a nineteen month old will sleep all night. I am simply an anxious Mommy because of the lack of toddler sleep.

The lack of toddler sleep affects my ability to be a good Mommy. My temper is shorter when I am tired and my older two kids grate on my nerves so much more on the days that my sleep is almost non-existent. I feel like in order to be a good Mommy you have to take care of yourself and that is hard to do when there is a serious lack of toddler sleep in your house.

I try not to let it affect me. It isn't Krystal and Joey's fault that I am in "yawn mode" and need to pinch myself awake. Yet every little thing annoys me so much more when I am running on no sleep. I am a scary. yelling Mommy Monster and I don't like that person at all.

Clingy Toddler- I Really Don't Mind

I complain often about my clingy toddler. She seems to not be happy unless she is sitting directly on me at all times, and being right next to me just doesn't cut it. There is pulling, tugging, and if I don't reach down quick enough, epic tantrum and floor rolling involved. Her moods change more quickly than the weather.

Deep down inside me though, I am a content Mom when I have a clingy toddler on me. I feel loved and needed ans most of all, special. I am needed by Peyton. She needs me to provide her with snuggles and love and I need her too. I need to feel, like this time around, I don't miss anything.

Clingy Toddler, Sick Toddler, Angry Toddler and Loving Toddler are all frequent visitors in our house. Clingy Toddler is the newest and strongest addition. For example, I had to leave this morning to bring Krystal to cheer competition so I left Peyton and Joey with Todd. She sat on the stair the whole time I was gone. The minute I got home and sat on the couch she came over and sat with me.

Sometimes it bothers me. When I am trying to eat for example. It is very hard to juggle food and a clingy toddler. That is rare though, most of the time I run my hands through her soft curls, give her a high five and realize how lucky I am, not just to have her but to be home with her and watch her grow up.

So a clingy toddler may not always be my favorite, but the whole package makes me a content Mom, so I will keep snuggling away.

Freaking Out Friday

Have you ever had a job, where you gave it your all every day? Put your heart and soul into something? Worked very hard at a job you were promised payment for? And you never got paid.... You wrote multiple e-mails, you anxiously checked the mailbox every day and still it never came.... When you finally heard back after multiple e-mails and the news wasn't good. They weren't sure when they would be able to pay you, for the money they owed you for services provided in July. Yes, I said it....July. I am thankful at this point that there are others I can talk to. Others who are fighting the system to get the money owed to them.

But for now I am freaking out, because I could really use the money.

Three For Thursday: The Woman Behind The Blog

Three of the Happiest Moments of My Life (besides your kids)

1) The first day I kissed Todd. It felt like everything fell into place.
2) The first time I ever rode a horse.
3) Every summer week we spent at my Grandma's beach cottage in Old Saybrook.

Three of My Favorite Foods:

1) Fettuccine Alfredo
2) Grilled Asparagus
3) Steak with a balsamic reduction

Three names I would name future baby boys if I had any (which I won't)

1) Jude
2) Caleb
3) Elliott

Three names I would name future baby girls if I had any (which I won't)

1) Audra
2) Genevieve
3) Scarlett

Three Things I couldn't make it through the day without:

1) Febreze Air Effects. I am a self-proclaimed addict.
2) Strawberry Shortcake Bitty Berry Adventures. Calming even the worst temper tantrums and the shortest attention spans since August.
3) I know it sounds corny, but my many high- fives and "good girl"'s from Peyton. It is nice hearing you are a good girl, even if it is from a 19 month old.

Wordless Wednesday

I am a big copycat. I love this idea. From Motherhood Looms- Where's My Yarn?

Halloween Costumes Down

Yesterday was a day where both Todd and the kids were home. This meant a perfect day for Halloween costume shopping. When we got back to the costumes, Todd spied a Strawberry Shortcake costume that Peyton was craning her neck to see as we pushed the cart away.

As we scanned the costumes for Joey, Todd went back and got the Strawberry Shortcake costume for Peyton and put it in the cart. Peyton pointed at it and yelled for her "Cake Cake" She was completely happy.

Joey originally picked out a Toad costume, but it was nothing but a vest and a hat. So he went with Wario instead.

Krystal was much more difficult and after the promise of cool makeup and teeth decided on a vampire costume.

We will be headed down to the Westbrook Outlets like we do every year. it is safe and the kids always get a huge haul.

Life Is Beautiful

Sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and worn out from battling with my tween daughter. Yet all I have to do is look at these faces and it doesn't seem to matter. I would be nothing without them.

Sleep- Or Lack Of- Is Clouding My Brain

Peyton still does not sleep through the night. Not even close. At 18 months she is still getting up at least two times a night. Last night was TEN, ten, I am so tired right now that there are tears running out of my eyes and I keep yawning.

With Todd working more than 80 hours a week, I can't talk to him about how tired I am when I know he is at least twice as tired, and I am sure more.

I feel like a first time Mom. I am not used to this. I had children who were sleeping all night, every night after a few months of life (unless they were sick) I had been getting better at keeping up with the cleaning. I tried today, really I did, but the mess grew faster than I could keep up with it. I can either leave it for tomorrow or wait until Peyton goes to bed at 9:30 and Todd leaves for work. I'd like to wait, but I don't think my brain will let me rest until most is clean. Darn brain.

Here's to a night where I am hoping to get some sleep and Peyton gets some too. After all, this face is far too cute to cause this much trouble.

My TV lineup

I admit that I am a television addict. Cutting the cable was never one of the things I could consider when trying to evaluate my financial situation.

Things I am currently loving or missing:

Pan Am- Great show. Can't wait to watch more.
The Playboy Club- Great Show that got canceled after 3 episodes.
Once Upon A Time- Can't wait to watch the first episode.
Degrassi- Because the teenager in me needs her fix when it comes back in a few weeks.
One Tree Hill- Last Season, can't wait.
Dirty Soap- Mixing my 2 loves, soap operas and trashy reality.
All My Children- Missing so much :( DVRing episodes from 2006 at 3am on Soapnet
The Next Iron Chef- Complete Celebrity cast competing for the title of Iron Chef? Count me in.
Sister Wives- Curiosity and love of trashy tv go hand in hand,
The Secret Life of The American Teenager AND
Switched at Birth- Once again the teenager trapped inside of me needs a fix. She is hard to keep quiet when it comes to TV shows.
One Life To Live- Have to support my soap until January when it wraps up on ABC

You know you are a stay at home Mom when...

- You are fascinated by infomercials and may even contemplate purchasing something from one (Someday I will own a Shark Vac Then Steam)

- You make a game out of cleaning the kitchen (the same game that I try to use with the kids)

- The thought of going grocery shopping makes you giddy.

-Your routines have routines.

- Your children are so used to your day to day goings on that any small change makes them uneasy.

- Changes to your tv schedule make you angry.

- Finding new recipes online is the highlight of your day and you are anxious to work them into your meal plan.

-Making a meal plan is like Christmas Day.

Bucket List

So my friend Alana made a bucket list today and did a wonderful job of explaining why she chose what she put on it. It wasn't your average bucket list with kooky things like bungee jumping, or kiss a celebrity. Instead, it was full of touching things she wanted to accomplish for herself and her family and why. So I decided to try my hand out at mine. Many of mine are the same as hers, and many are different.


. Buy a home of our own. 75% of my happy childhood memories involve the home I grew up in. I can still hear the frogs in the pond croaking. I remember climbing the "mountain" in the backyard, and helping my Dad wash the cars in the driveway. The smell of my Dad's special car wax (coconut scented) wafting on the breeze as I rode my bike in the driveway.

. Go back to school and get a job....once Peyton starts kindergarten or first grade (if kindergarten is only half day)

. Renew my vows and have a real reception and a real honeymoon.

. Take a cruise to somewhere exotic, no children.

. Take a family vacation. Rent a cottage on the beach for a week and relax.

. Do something amazing and special for Todd to thank him for all that he does for us.

. Lose some weight. I can't help Krystal stay healthy if I am not healthy myself. And it is about time that I stopped rocking pajamas and bedhead constantly and actually cared about myself.

. Feed my family healthier, homemade meals. This needs no explanation. I need to do some cooking. Not only to ease the burden on Todd, but to be proud of myself too.

Fall, Glorious Fall

Pumpkins, apples, fairs, cool breezes. The best time of the year to have candles burning. Oh, and glorious, tasty, pumpkin flavored beer. I live in my pajama pants as much as possible. How can anything be bad about Fall?

Even the smell is amazing. The smell of crisp, decaying leaves on the ground.

And pumpkin cheesecake. Amazing.

Fall is amazing enough to leave me blogging in jumbled, mixed up, broken sentences.

Thinking Positive and Letting Go

I have a problem with holding a grudge. Usually against Todd and some heinous crime he committed that he didn't really commit, or that he committed but I blew out or proportion because I am really good at that.

Last night he fell asleep on the couch at 9:00. I had been looking forward to spending time with him all day. Since he started working his second job third shift, the time we spend together is minimal. At first I was angry and I yelled at him to just go to bed and yelled more for his feeble protests. After he went to bed, I let go of the anger. He has been working 85 hour weeks, 6 days a week. He gets one full day off a week. That is it. I have been really trying to see things from his perspective instead of my own.

I am really working on being a more understanding wife, a less selfish one. It is really time to stop thinking about myself and to start being a good wife. Our marriage is solid already, good, even great at times. Everything can use some improvement though. Nothing is perfect.

I am letting go of the frustration. I am going to learn how to channel my loneliness into something so that I don't feel so sad. It's time to stop getting upset over things I can't change and focus on the things I can change.

Keys Have Been Found

I found my keys. After cleaning the living room, digging deep in the couch, moving furniture, emptying toy boxes. They were in the diaper bag, which I had cleaned out twice already. Somebody had to have found them and put them in there. I was ecstatic.

On a second happy note (I am on a roll today) Todd went upstairs in the building to wash Peyton's clothes since she didn't have a single clean set of pajamas and came down because there wasn't a single washer available. So I grabbed the laundry and my newly found keys and drove off to the laundromat....without any kids. It was the first time I left the house with no kids in months and months. I can't even remember leaving the house without kids. I got clean clothes for Peyton and I got to read a little. It was a win all the way around.

Today, sadly, is just a regular old Monday. I didn't want to get up this morning. The cat pooped on the floor in FRONT of the newly cleaned litter. I have some DVR'd movies and shows to watch today since it looks like it is going to rain. I love these kinds of fall days. Crisp, cool air, gray skies. Plenty of cleaning to do, as well as plenty of toddler snuggles to give out.

Cake Cake Is Once Again A Favorite

And what exactly is a "Cake Cake" you might ask? Cake Cake is the name my toddler daughter (now 9.5) Krystal named Strawberry Shortcake many years ago. Or maybe it was her friend Carly who did. My memory is a little sketchy at times about certain details, but they both called her Cake Cake and they both had all the heavily scented DVD's, clothes, sheet sets.....anything we could find that had her face on it.

Now Peyton is fascinated with Cake Cake. She has dolls, and Happy Meal Toys. Several episodes saved to the DVR for emergency meltdown situations. She knows when she wants it on too. She hands me the tv remote and in a tiny little voice says "Cake Cake" and really, how can I turn that down? Today she handed me a Strawberry Shortcake sweater that she dragged out her dresser "Cake Cake" she yells, pushing the sweater into my hands. She won't stop until I put it on over her pajamas.

Todd bought her Cake Cake bandages last night and she was mad that I wouldn't plaster her body with them right then and there. I had to hide them on top of the fridge. Krystal gave her a heart shaped pillow with Cake Cake's face on it. I only wish that we still had the giant stuffed one we got Krystal many years ago. That would have been great.

It's The Weekend

Gray Saturday. Cheerleading canceled due to almost half the squad being sick and muddy fields. Husband sleeping peacefully in bedroom after an 85 hour work week. Kids cleaning some. Watching Beverly Hills 90210 on Soapnet. In my pajamas with a messy braid in my hair at 1:41 pm. I would honestly say, if Todd was sitting on the couch with me, this might be a really good day.

I even managed to do some cleaning.